So I say this sort of jokingly, but as of tomorrow I can officailly say see you next year! That is cool, but not really because I still have over a year and a half, but I can still say it. It was so awesome to see you on Christmas. You definately made me lose it big time. I was such a mess. Then I had to go all red eyed and probably puffy faced and talk to the people at the house still. I felt a little weird, but it was ok. It was a big deal to see you and I don't mind if other people know that I love and miss my family so much. It was an awesome christmas though. I liked it a lot. It is different on the mission, but I liked it still. Partly because I got to see you guys on that day! The next day was hard to go and do work though. I was a little bit down in the dumps. Was I homesick? Yes. It was hard, but the next day I got better. It was hard to think about you guys and not being able to see you for a long time. I am doing a lot better now and I am super glad to be on my mission. Missionary work is great!
Lately I have been having a hard time street contacting people. I have not know what to say and I know follow the spirit, but I have been having a hard time with it. We sometimes walk around outside shopping centers and I feel bad about talking to some people. Then other times, I am on a bike and I just feel so weird to stop all of the sudden and talk to people. I don't know what to say to them and my words are jumbled I feel like. Sometimes I am successful and other times not. Also, I know that I have been called to do this and that I have the authority and I know I should have more faith, but I am just having a hard time with it. That will probably be my goal for the next little bit is try to talk to people better. That has been a struggle of mine lately. I really do alright, but I just feel like I am not that good of a tool in the Lord's hand. It is pretty much like I am a screwdriver and God is trying to finish his task. He has a very handy tool and gets the job done, but it takes some work from the Lord and it is slow. He know that if I figure things out a little more and makes me try harder, I can be a power drill in his hands. Both effective and fast. I want to have the power and effectiveness as I progress in the mission. The first step I guess should be believing that I can be that power drill or having faith that I can. I want to be a hard working missionary and a good tool in the Lords hands, and maybe be the Lord's go-to tool someday!
Working with our investigator Gus has been like a roller coaster. He up and liking the church, then he is down and liking his church and is against us. Then he gets an answer from God and he is back with us, then he switches back. It is crazy. The craziest one was a few weeks ago when he said he found his answer that our church was not for him. Then a few days later as he was waking up, he heard a distinct voice like a man standing next to him that said "God was once a man." This had been one of his concerns with us and something he had been wondering about. His thoughts immediately went to us and he contacted us again and let us know how he felt. He was sort of freaked out by the voice, but it was really cool to get an answer like that. Later he was second guessing that voice because of scriptures that said God is a spirit. We helped him resolve those doubts. He dropped us again one morning and then asked if we could meet later that day. We did, and he felt better about us. We have been using the book of mormon as our most powerful thing to help him find the truth. It has been really cool. He feels like one of the investigators that I practiced with in the MTC. I am hoping and praying that things end up well like it did in the MTC. My MTC experience really is helping with what to do in this situation. I am excited to see what happens.
The last thing I will say about this week is that we meet a less active woman at the El Dorado Motel where she live. We don't go in because there is no man in the house, so we stand on the porch. It is the most sketchy motel in the whole world! It has a bad feel about the whole thing. This time, Gina who lives there, was telling us what was going on. Drugs, drugs, more drugs, no sleep, guns, gangs, no sleep, drugs, bed bugs, no money, swearing, saying terrible things, more swearing, drugs, fighting, some actual fighting, swearing, and did I mention drugs. She just layed brick after brick of things that were there and it was so crazy. There were two people next to us who just broke up( they just happened to be our current investigators we saw the week before) and they were yelling and swearing and I was worried the guy was going to go downstairs and get shot. There was not much we could do. We did help Gina feel better and have some peace. Also, she said she wouldn't forget me because I had blue eyes. Cool! We felt like the place was going to blow up right as we were there. We wanted to get out of there ASAP! I don't know how often we will be going back there now.
Things are good though. We got a lot done. Thanks for all your support! I love you!
Elder Adam Seelos